Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Isla, pregnancy & sadness

So, we've moved again. The 5th time in 3 years. We must look like fugitives.

Things are so much more relaxed here, our own space, no uncomfortable circumstances - just peace and quiet. Ahhhh!

Isla was casted at the hospital yesterday for her new "helpers". She was so brave, only cried a little at the beginning because she didn't know what was going on, but as soon as they got the plasters out of the water and started rolling them around her legs she watched on, very intrigued by it all. The helpers should arrive in 2 weeks at Michael's rooms. Can't wait! It means all new shoes and socks too!

14 weeks pregnant now, and I've scheduled my first appointment at the 'new' hospital, which was where I was meant to have Isla, but couldn't because I was too high risk. I am glad to be going back there, I'm familiar with the Birthing Unit & maternity ward, and hopefully my favourite midwife Renae still works there - I have my fingers crossed for this to be the case, she made such a huge impact on my pregnancy with Isla, I'd love for her to be involved in my care with this one. Failing that, a lady I work with, Lauren, is best friends with the head midwife at the hosptial, so that's good to know!

Feeling little bubble/popping sensations now, which I'm convinced is the baby. I felt movement with Isla at 15 weeks, so it's entirely possible - and very exciting.

The plan for work is to stay until around the end of September, so around 7 months, of course that all depends on whether or not I am actually allowed to or stuck on bloody bedrest like I was with Isla. At this early stage, I plan to be off until the littlest member of our family is 6 months old (if finances permit) but we'll take it however it comes.

It's difficult talking about this pregnancy with Ian, because he just can't get interested (for lack of a better word) until the baby is really here, which is so frustrating, but I understand what he's saying. So, he's decided that he now doesn't want to know the sex of the baby and I'm thinking I'd like to know - with Isla we were the complete oppoiste! My only reason for wanting to know is in case I have another GA, I don't want everyone knowing the sex of my baby before me.

It's stirred a lot of raw emotions that I still have following Isla's birth. I opted for a GA because everything felt completely out of control and I was scared. I wasn't in a position to completely comprehend her early arrival under such stressed conditions. Of course, I regret it now, completely and utterly. My main issues still surround what happened after her birth, that will no doubt haunt me for the rest of my days.

We requested no visitors when Isla was born, so that we'd have time to bond and adjust to having our new little person. Following the C-Section, I wasn't well at all. The after-birth contractions were hideous, and I was so groggy and unwell I had double vision and was on oxygen for the next 16 hours after her birth. Not the type of conditions I wanted to be seen in by anyone (another reason we requested no visitors). When I wasn't well, Ian's phone was ringing pretty much constantly, and he kept asking me whether his parents could come and see Isla. I can't even remember if I answered him, given he knew what my wishes were. Next thing I remember, my SIL is giving my daughter a cuddle and a bottle, my MIL had unwrapped her and looked her over and even questioned her leg to the nurses - and I hadn't even held her yet. It breaks my heart to think about, even now, 3.5yrs on.

So, this time, no one is knowing the date of our c-section, other than my Mum, who will be minding Isla at the time. I'm going to draw up a birth plan and it will be adhered to - to the letter. I've discussed all of this with Ian, and he didn't realise exactly how much it meant to me when Isla was born, which still shits me up the wall, but, unfortunately, I can't turn back the clock. He knows exactly what I want this time, without a shadow of a doubt.

Perhaps I should start that now?

Still no new pics to upload, waiting on our internet to be installed and Dad's computer is just way too slow for me to even bother uploading pics onto.